People Who Don't Work In Advertising

Fine Fare! How the mighty have fallen. All of us over a certain...

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 05:26:24 -0500

Fine Fare! How the mighty have fallen.

All of us over a certain age remember Fine Fare, the one stop supershop. Fine Fare was an emporium of joy, a veritable Aladdin’s Cave for children and adults alike. Whether you wanted to buy a gigantic sack of dry cat food or a plastic drying rack for your dishes, Fine Fare was the place to shop.

But where is Fine Fare now? It used to be Britain’s number 1 supermarket, but now it is completely absent from our high streets. Like all business failings, there is only one culprit: poor advertising.

Although you may have noticed that Fine Fare stores completely disappeared over 50 years ago, in actual fact Fine Fare’s steep decline began just a few years ago, when Egyptian tycoon and Dodi sirer Mohammed Al Fayed purchased Fine Fare Ltd. Prior to this date, the shop had limped along on a tiny marketing budget, but Al Fayed brought deep pockets and an insane advertising bravery.

Immediately he appointed Crispin Porter + Bogusky to handle the Fine Fare account. In one month, Al Fayed pumped £1bn into Fine Fare’s marketing budget. CP+B produced the “Mum is a Whore, isn’t She?” campaign, glorifying domestic violence. In the TV spots, women returned from shopping at Fine Fare to be confronted with angry husbands and sons, brandishing Fine Fare food. In the end, the women invariably ended up mentally and physically scarred by a brutal assault with a frozen breaded pork cutlet or a full tin of “Ye Olde English” hot dogs.

Alex Bogusky said in Campaign at the time “We’re totally focusing our marketing effort on Fine Fare superfans, 18-25 year old men who enjoy being violent against women.”

CP+B’s creative tour de force cleaned up at Cannes and the One Show, but sadly failed to change Fine Fare’s commercial fortunes. Al Fayed was forced by his bank manager to open a pitch process through the intermediary Spunk.

The pitch process was condensed, with Achtung!, Anomaly London, Conran Singh and Leanmeanfightingmachine fighting it out in an intense 45 second battle royale.

Eventually, the burly Dutch bruisers at Achtung! were crowned the winners and, after a multitude of dribble tests, created a £180m innovative digital piece where people are sent abusive messages via Twitter and FourSquare. Consumer’s digital movements were tracked and messages were targeted in order to be dramatically offensive. For example, people who searched Google for help with incontinence problems were bombarded with messages saying “You stink of piss”.

Achtung!’s creative tour de force cleaned up at Cannes and the One Show, but sadly failed to change Fine Fare’s commercial fortunes. Al Fayed was forced to close all the stores down, and to sell his solid gold anatomically correct doll of Princess Diana.

Private View – Creative Philly Boomsta – Executive Creative...

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 05:35:57 -0500

Private View – Creative

Philly Boomsta – Executive Creative Director, TBWA/Fiji

I’ve recently become very excited by the quality of work coming out of some of our fellow agencies in the South Pacific Ocean area. It’s one of the biggest markets in the world, but even so we’re punching above our weight creatively. Cruelly overlooked by xenophobic awards juries, the work coming out of this region absolutely dwarfs the competition.

This spot for marshmallowy sweetshop favourite Flumps [1] is a prime example. One of the finest examples of creativity from avante garde Samoan agency Dringo Scoff & Partners, this advert is a harrowing account of the 1960s Australian Aborigine “Stolen Generation”. We see a young, screaming Aborigine child being stolen from his mother by an evil, grinning Aussie with corks swinging from his hat in a brutally emotive sequence, directed by Stanley Kubrick.

I also completely adore this film for powdery sweetshop favourite Sherbet Fountains {2] created by the creative wizards at the Cook Islands hot shop Phizzog. In it, we see a reanimated Ronnie Barker, wrenched from the grave to flog sugary treats. While the way he posthumously proclaims his homosexuality is in questionable taste, you can’t deny the technical brilliance.

Most innovative however is this intensely creative spot for Cheeseburger Flavour Quarterbacks [3] about the Menai Massacre in AD 61. It’s a monumental achievement by our sister agency TBWA/Solomon Islands. The massacre was perpetuated by the Roman Empire against the Druids. Gaius Suetonius Paulinus ordered the Roman army to destroy the Celtic Druid stronghold on Anglesey in Britain, sacking Druidic colleges and sacred groves. The massacre helped impose Roman religion on Britain and sent Druidism into a decline from which it never recovered.

Lifeline: Drumstick Lollys Valued at a cool £3bn, the Swizzels...

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 04:54:15 -0500

Lifeline:

Drumstick Lollys

Valued at a cool £3bn, the Swizzels Matlow Drumstick Lolly creative account, now under review, will be a cherished prize.

April 1998

After creating some of the greatest ads in history for Drumstick Lollys, Swizzels Matlow’s visionary leadership shock the industry by withdrawing their business from Saatchi and Saatchi and appointing the avante garde hot shop SPENGULATE! to handle the account after a lengthy pitch process that caused 4 nervous breakdowns and a suicide.

November 2004

Swizzles Matlow’s maverick marketing director Sticky Fingers Lee tragically dies from a poorly measured cocaine speedball and the account comes up for a global pitch again. The San Francisco based Goodby Silverstein & Partners pick up the business with an award winning campaign about race relations in 1960s Alabama.

December 2011

Goodby’s willfully controversial “It’s the sweet for Nazis!” campaign is the final straw for Swizzles Matlow’s Hasidic marketing team and the account is called up for review. The incumbent is not invited to repitch.

Fast forward….

December 2012

After growing sick and disgusted by the year long pitch process, Swizzles Matlow decide to appoint the account to unknown marketing agency RMS in Manchester. Instead of being one of the most important global advertisers and breaking new creative ground constantly, they wind down their marketing effort, concentrating mostly on bland point of sale promotion and an amateurish website.

Lionel Blooterz, a man with a mission The Lowdown: Age:...

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 18:30:19 -0500

Lionel Blooterz, a man with a mission

The Lowdown:

Age: 40

Lives: Penthouse on Kingsland Road

Always in the fridge: A drilled melon

New Year’s Resolution: To shake adland to the juicy core.

Favourite Magazine: Garden and Gun

Mantra: If they’re old enough to fuckin’ bleed…

Lionel Blooterz isn’t your typical art director. For one thing, he’s got more silverware on the shelf than a premiership football club. This man has more gongs than a Chinese orchestra. He’s got more Lions than the Savannah. He’s got more pencils than Crayola. He’s got more Clios than a Renault dealership. Yes, this cunt has a lot of awards.

“My first award was a Gold Film Lion in 1989” he tells us casually. “It was for a controversial, racially charged campaign for the Vice Versa chocolates. Y’know, the ones that are white on the outside but brown on the inside? And vice versa? They were discontinued years ago. It was for RK Swamy BBDO in Chennai.”

Blooterz has certainly had the type of career that is worth reminiscing over, but he’s not content to admire his awards wheelbarrow while blissfully slipping along to a triple heart bypass and eventual death.

“Space Raiders have got a big plan to aggressively launch in the West African market” he says. “I’m the one who’s going to be instrumental in getting the lads from Lagos munching inexpensive pickled onion flavour corn and wheat snacks.”

“A lot of people think working on the EMEA Space Raiders account is a piece of cake due to their extreme deliciousness, but I’m here to tell you it’s just not the case. Extensive focus group testing has shown artificial pickled onion flavouring to be wholly noxious to the West African palate. Many people in Sierra Leone said they’d rather be in one of Charles Taylor’s hellish torture camps than gub a single Space Raider. It’s going to be a fucking mission to force them to eat them.”

Blooterz is certainly no stranger to a 10p crisp related challenge. In his career he’s sold Chipsticks to the Chinese, he launched Tangy Toms in Tonga, and in a maverick move he even successfully promoted Postman Pat Baked Bean Flavour Corn Snacks in Sudan, despite local militias angrily denouncing Postman Pat as a bastard infidel.

Blooterz is also incredibly candid about his personal life. “I’ve been with my girlfriend for three months now and damn, it’s annoying how her ex, called “Devin”, is always texting her and shit and being “weird” with her or so she says. I got mad at her for that but kept my cool. “

My Life in Advertising, with Johnny Bottles, Executive Creative...

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 04:50:20 -0500

My Life in Advertising, with Johnny Bottles, Executive Creative Director at Shanghai hot shop “Twizzle”

The reason I got into advertising was… I specialise in weapons and entertainment. Also, I’m on the sex offenders register.

The campaign I’m most proud of working on is… “My Other Car is a Wham Bar” for Wham Bars. It seriously changed consumer behaviour in the 10p chew bar segment.

And the campaign I pretend I wasn’t responsible for is… “Wham Bazzar”, a poorly thought out Turkish themed campaign for Wham Bars. It really fucked up consumer behaviour in the 10p chew bar segment. Those pricks at Refreshers were rubbing their hands with glee.

The best moment of my career so far was… Joining Sweatbox gym and discovering that it’s not just a gym. It’s also an anal play arena.

While the most embarrassing moment was… Being recognised in Soho all the time. I can’t have a drink without being hassled. I mean, hey, I’m not a celebrity. I just make ads. Fucking cool ads, but ads none the less. People keep wanting to shake my hand and I keep saying “Hey, I’m just a regular guy. Just like you.”

The best celebrity I’ve worked for on a campaign is… Pat Sharp, ex-host of late 80s/early 90s kids TV show “Fun House”. He really is just as outrageous in person. Not many people know that his real name is actually “Patrick Sharpin”.

The person I’d most like to work within the industry is… an 18 year old intern who will do anything to further her career.

The person who’s had the biggest influence on my career is… Bob Monkhouse. Or Bob Hoskins. I always get them confused.

The best piece of advice I’ve received during my career is… Phone 07894393484 for the most potent sherbert dib dab you’ve ever dibbed. Or dabbed, for that matter.

If i wasn’t working in advertising, I’d be… Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands

In ten years’ time, I’ll be… Still thinking about anagrams for the word “engagement”. So far I’ve got “menage gent” and “mean egg net”, and I hope to come up with a few more over the coming decade.

If you don’t know Owen Jaques by now, you definitely will soon....

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 08:58:08 -0500

If you don’t know Owen Jaques by now, you definitely will soon. He’s just joined Jung Von Matt Hamburg as executive strategy partner.

According to Jung Von Matt creative boss Jayboy Jacobs, his agency is hellbent on being “seriously furious at the core.” He adds, “The hiring of a strategic star like Jaques expands and gives depth to our team focused on creatively, strategically and furiously embedding emerging media technologies into the shiny fabric of all our work for clients. Best in class skills to pay the bills are absolutely fucking critical to our focus on redesigning the agency.”

In the past , Jaques handled accounts including Double Dip, Atomic Fireballs and “Curly Wurleys, this was back when they were really big, not like the tiny ones you get now.” Prior to that, he was a strategic planner handling the lucrative Walnut Whip account at a 4 man digital shop in Spitalfields Market called “BaZong!”

Ogilvy and Mather Shanghai have poached StrawberryFrog Amsterdam...

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 18:20:06 -0500

Ogilvy and Mather Shanghai have poached StrawberryFrog Amsterdam CD Geronimo Rudge to run their lucrative Anglo Bubbly account.

O&M Shanghai ECD Graham Fink says of Rudge: “He’s one of the hottest young creatives on the scene today, and it’s a dream come true to get him to work on this account. Anglo Bubbly is known as the world’s finest bubblegum but Chinese consumers have always had such a fucking problem with it. We’re hoping Rudge can shake out their grudge, and make them fall in love with Anglo Bubbly.” Fink then lasciviously rubbed his thigh and added “And not a platonic love either.”

Fink’s lust for Anglo Bubbly is unsurprising considering it’s O&M’s largest account, netting them whopping $1bn a year worldwide. Rudge has no doubt been entrusted to run this account based on the huge success he had selling Fox’s Glacier Mints in former Soviet republics at StrawberryFrog.

Ronnie Bawsacks has now joined TBWA/Chiat/Day to serve as a CD...

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:24:00 -0500

Ronnie Bawsacks has now joined TBWA/Chiat/Day to serve as a CD on the Transform-A-Snacks account. Bawsacks is no stranger to the TBWA network as he had creative stints at \Hunt Lascaris Cape Town and Johannesburg early on in his career. Along with his TBWA experience, Dunn has worked as a senior writer and digital creative director at BBH and Leo Burnett’s Singapore offices, respectively, was a senior CW at StrawberryFrog Amsterdam (on the Wham Bar account) and has experience with the likes of Plantage Berlin/BSUR Amsterdam as a creative director.

Chiat LA CCO Rob Schwartz says of his new agency’s new hire, “He’s done great work on brands like Johnny’s Onion Rings, Tangy Toms and Space Raiders. And he’s working right now on developing iconic ideas for those delicious, crunchy, spicy motherfuckers we call Transform-A-Snacks.”

The management line up at “Speng!”, the new London...

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 15:10:09 -0500

The management line up at “Speng!”, the new London start up agency.

The new agency is creatively lead by Phil Vinbach (far right), who left from his position as Executive Creative Director at Mermac Ogilvy, Dubai. Prior to that, he was head of design at Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO.

The management line up also includes the founding partner Johnny Rengold (middle), previously the chief financial officer at Saatchi Saatchi Fallon Group.

At the time, Vinbach described the privately funded shop as operating as a collective of people working in a new way that can “take up the shape that tasks demand”.

The agency is starting with Space Raiders 10p Crisps as a founding client. Vinbach isn’t daunted by the creative challenge. “Those fuckers sell themselves” he said.

These are the guys from Crispin Porter + Bogusky, Boulder.

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 10:38:16 -0500

These are the guys from Crispin Porter + Bogusky, Boulder.

This dynamic young team have recently been lured from CP+B...

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 04:49:43 -0500

This dynamic young team have recently been lured from CP+B Boulder to work on the French Connection account at Richard Flintham’s new start up 101.

Some creatives from M&C Saatchi

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 04:24:54 -0500

Some creatives from M&C Saatchi